for me, in my healing, there were only two options that felt right —
fuck up the system, or
big time self-care
i organized forums, met with professors, spread awareness… initially, i was so fucking livid that the world would let this happen to me and countless beautiful humans that it was all i could do. i was bursting with rage, and self-care just wasn’t enough to put out that fire. and that was okay.
over time, though, i got tired. not like i needed a nap, no. tired as in it is fucking exhausting to fight. to hate the people that hurt me and the system that enabled it to the point where it sucked me dry. i knew i needed a break, but i felt guilty dropping a cause that had become my world.
well, let me share a lesson with you that i wished i had known then — it’s all about your own healing. if fighting heals your wounds, do it. if it doesn’t, set it aside. you can always come back once you’ve built yourself up and regained strength. always.
i don’t remember who first said this to me, but this quote has always brought me comfort :
“the greatest revenge is to live a happy life.”
when i saw my friends dancing at the frat where i had been roofied, when someone i thought cared about me told me to my face that they didn’t think our mutual friend “really raped me”, when people shoved me and shunned and said i was a liar, when my parents couldn’t understand why i never went to the police… i held tight to that quote. i didn’t need to hurt them to get justice, because sometimes hurting them involved hurting myself. i needed to heal. i’m what matters. at the end of the day, i come home to myself.
your healing is number one. never feel guilty for taking care of yourself. fight if it heals you. don’t if it doesn’t. every day you wake up is a fucking triumph! don’t feel obligated to do any more than that, because sometimes you just can’t, and that’s OKAY! whatever you do is right, i promise.
“I’m all for teenagers not having sex until they’re emotionally ready and they’ve talked about safety and consent and expectations—but I don’t think adults should have sex if they don’t meet those conditions either. It’s important that adults don’t sexually exploit teenagers*—but it’s important that adults don’t sexually exploit other adults. I don’t think teenagers should see porn without context and perspective on how it compares to reality—you know how this sentence is going to end.
It’s probably true that it’s harder for teenagers to follow the rules of good sexual conduct, because of their age and inexperience (although having to do everything clandestinely and with no support system can’t help), but the rules aren’t fundamentally different for them.”—
“Nigerian-American novelist Teju Cole takes it a step further and slams what he calls the “White Savior Industrial Complex,” which cares little for the end, so long as it gets satisfaction from the means. “The white savior supports brutal policies in the morning, founds charities in the afternoon, and receives awards in the evening,” says Cole. “The White Savior Industrial Complex is not about justice. It is about having a big emotional experience that validates privilege.”—(via More On Kony 2012 - The Daily What)
“Queerness, to me, is about far more than homosexual attraction. It’s about a willingness to see all other taboos broken down. Sure, many of us start on this path when we first feel “same sex” or “same gender” attraction (though what is sex? And what is gender? And does anyone really have the same sex or gender as anyone else?). But queerness doesn’t stop there.
This is a somewhat controversial stance, but to me queer means something completely different than “gay” or “lesbian” or “bisexual.” A queer person is usually someone who has come to a non-binary view of gender, who recognizes the validity of all trans identities, and who, given this understanding of infinite gender possibilities, finds it hard to define their sexuality any longer in a gender-based way. Queer people understand and support non-monogamy even if they do not engage in it themselves. They can grok being asexual or aromantic. (What does sex have to do with love, or love with sex, necessarily?) A queer can view promiscuous (protected) public bathhouse sex with strangers and complete abstinence as equally healthy.
Queers understand that people have different relationships to their bodies. We get what it means to be stone. We know what body dysphoria is about. We understand that not everyone likes to get touched the same way or to get touched at all. We realize that people with disabilities may have different sexual needs, and that people with survivor histories often have sexual triggers. We can negotiate safe and creative ways to be intimate with people with HIV/AIDs and other STIs.
Queers understand the range of power and sensation and the diversity of sexual dynamics. We are tops and bottoms, doms and subs, sadists and masochists and sadomasochists, versatiles and switches. We know what we like and don’t like in bed.
We embrace a wide range of relationship types. We can be partners, lovers, friends with benefits, platonic sweethearts, chosen family. We can have very different dynamics with different people, often all at once. We don’t expect one person to be able to fulfill all our diverse needs, fantasies and ideals indefinitely.
Because our views on relationships, sex, gender, love, bodies, and family are so unconventional, we are of necessity anti-assimilationist. Because under the kyriarchy we suffer, and watch the people we love suffering, we are political. Because we want to survive, we fight. We only want the freedom to be ourselves, love ourselves, love each other, and live together. Because we are routinely denied that, we are pissed.
Queer doesn’t mean “don’t label me,” it means “I am naming myself.” It means “ask me more questions if you curious” and in the same breath means “fuck off.”—
“People associate mental disorder with violence. We found that crime and mental disorder are linked, but not in the way people think: Persons with severe mental disorders are terribly vulnerable to victimization.”—Linda Teplin, discussing her research paper ‘Crime victimization in adults with severe mental illness’ (This paper is under paid access, but free articles summarizing it can be read here and here)
“I know this may be hard to understand, this compulsion to repeat the situations that harmed you. Especially because you don’t remember that time, you can’t forget it but you do remember never to remember it, the time when the shattering into pieces became a way of life.”—One Hundred Demons - Lynda Barry (via revolutiononthecountof14)
It’s almost pride weekend in San Francisco. Preparations are being made for any number of festive activities. Marches, parades, parties. Right now, countless dykes are painting signs that read, “Dykes united will never be divided,” and such….
Don’t just say that black unemployment is four times that of whites. Say that black businesses only get 2 percent of the $1 trillion of black buying power, and then say that black businesses are the greatest private employer of black people.
Then you might be able to say, wow, if there were more support of black businesses, if maybe a little more of that $1 trillion got to those businesses, unemployment wouldn’t be so high.